This is Lisa B. Marshall; welcome to The Public Speaker's Quick and Dirty Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills . When I was young, I remember being embarrassed by my mother --particularly when we were standing in long grocery store lines. No, she wasn't making spit balls with her coupons or chewing tobacco, she was making conversation. (Horrors!) She was talking with strangers!
As an adult I know the world is full of interesting strangers—every day potential new friends are all around us--if we just knew how to break the ice and start conversations. So today's tips are the valuable lessons I learned from my mom and other great communicators about how to start an in-person conversation. Every time I deliver a professional networking seminar I am surprised by the number of people that ask me, "Lisa, how do you start a conversation?" So I thought, what better way to start OUR conversation than with an episode that is about starting conversations. (Aren't I clever?) So how exactly do you start a conversation? For in-person conversations I think it all boils down to three things. First, you need to cultivate a zen-like attitude towards conversation making. Second, you need to pay attention, and third, you need to be genuinely curious. That's it. Really. Cultivate a zen-like attitude, pay attention, and be curious.
1. Cultivate a zen-like attitude toward conversation making What do I mean by zen-like? You need to let go of self-conscious and judgmental thinking. Introverts--listen carefully--you don't need to be an extrovert! Really, it's more important that you are comfortable with yourself and genuinely interested in getting to know other people--like you were when you were a kid. I remember when I was eight, a new girl moved in three houses away. The day she arrived, I marched over there, knocked, and asked "Can the little girl come out and play?” She ended up being my first "best friend." (Hmmm, I wonder if my mom encouraged me to do that?)
For me, it helps to remember that most people are happy to engage in a conversation and appreciate when someone else takes the lead.
Besides being comfortable, it's also important not to dismiss anyone or prejudge a person by their appearance. You never know what the future will bring. Chris Yeh, a VP at PBwiki, Inc. recently shared this story with me. He said, "At one event, I saw a slight, pimply-faced kid and struck up a conversation...his company was doing $100 million/year in revenues. And as it turned out, I made one of my most successful angel investments because I met the entrepreneur at my acne-afflicted friend's 25th birthday party." An important lesson...don't dismiss anyone. 2. Pay attention to everyone and everything around you OK, so once you have cultivated your inner zen, the next step is to pay attention to everyone and everything around you. Pay attention to people--Google them ahead of time. Does somebody have an interesting story? Is someone at the event who can introduce you to the person you *really* want to meet?
Pay attention to your immediate environment. Do you see something unusual? Is someone wearing an interesting watch or tie?
Pay attention to the news. What's going on in the local news? In your industry? What's going on in the pop culture? (You be surprised how lively "Lost" discussions can get!) 3. Be genuinely curious and interested in other people So once you've gathered your "intelligence," it's easy to do the next step…be curious. The idea is to comment or a ask question, just be careful not to interrogate. The key is to be genuinely interested and inquisitive.
Mike Pratt, V.P. of Sales and marketing at Magnolia Hotels, says he loves to ask about people's shoes because, he says, “If someone likes their shoes, it makes them feel good.” So I asked Mike his favorite shoe story and he told me about a gentleman he met while sitting on a plane. He said, “He was wearing what was obviously a pair of expensive shoes. I mentioned how I liked his style of shoe and off went a two-hour conversation on where he got them, why, and how much they were, how they were made, etc. We then began a dialog about our professions, chatted the rest of the flight, and exchanged cards. Weeks later, I received by mail, a pair of the exact same shoes, in my size, from him…I called him to thank him and asked him why he sent such a nice gesture, as there was really no professional relationship that could have resulted from us meeting, and his response was, ‘I send something to everyone that I meet if I enjoyed meeting them. I enjoyed meeting you and you seem like someone who should have a nice pair of shoes. '” Turns out the shoes were worth $1,200 bucks! Maybe I should have asked Mike about his shoes! Actually that reminds me of my final tip—try to practice every chance you get because it is a skill that can be cultivated. Practice at your favorite coffee shop, practice at sporting events, and of course you'd make my mother proud if you practiced while waiting in long grocery lines! Administrative This is Lisa B. Marshall. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to listen to the companion episode “How to start electronic conversations” You can find the transcript of this episode at publicspeaker.quickanddirtytips.com and also as a special bonus you can find a link to “25 Perfect Phrases for Starting a Business Conversation” If you have a question about how to communicate better at work, e-mail publicspeaker@quickanddirtytips.com, leave a comment on my blog at publicspeaker.quickanddirtytips.com or follow me on Twitter by typing: follow lisabmarshall. For information about keynote speeches or workshops visit lisabmarshall.com.
Passionate about communication…your success is my business.
Resources 25 Perfect Phrases For Starting a Business Conversation Includes the phrases and the reason why you want to use a particular question. Check it out.
