Dances with werewolves writes: I was called in to see the Headteacher today. I wasn't surprised, Minnie gets into trouble so often that I have my own tea-mug in the school counsellor's office. This time however it wasn't Minnie in trouble, it was James. "What on earth has he done?" I asked, in bemusement. Mrs Lunn shuffled through a sheaf of papers on her desk, before handing me a copy of the school's Internet Use Policy. As it had my signature on it, it must have been one of the zillion permission slips I signed at the start of term.
"He and some friends were using the internet without permission during computer club at lunch time yesterday," she said sternly. "Miss Huffkin said they were Meddling With The Unknown." "Isn't the purpose of education to meddle with the unknown?" I asked brightly.
"Paragraph 5 of the Internet Use Policy forbids students to use the school Computer Suite for the Dark Arts," said Mrs Lunn. "What were they doing?" I wondered.
"They had downloaded a copy of Ouija For Windows and were communicating with a member of the post-living community," replied Mrs Lunn. It took me a moment to work that one out. "You mean they were holding a seance?" I was rather impressed. "I didn't think James had that much understanding of computers!" "He was working with Stanley Higgs-Boson and Jay Bee," was the answer. Now it was clear. With Stanley the Science Freak and Jay the Nintendo Ninja's help, James could probably start World War 3 if he wanted. And win it.
"Did they, er, try to contact anyone in particular?" I asked innocently. I was starting to have a feeling about this.
"They said they were trying to contact someone called Albert. Apparently you had a message for him." Mmm. "Well, after all, it's still only like using the internet for e-mail," I protested, feeling the fighting urge slippinng away from me. "Sending messages out into the ether, you know." Sally Lunn cleared her throat meaningfully. "As a matter of fact, that is forbidden in paragraph 2 of the Internet Use Policy," she said, pointing me to the relevant section. "The school governors get very tense about unsolicited e-mail." Curses. Either James had been Meddling With Things That Key Stage 2 Were Not Meant to Know, or he had been contacting a post-living stranger using a school computer. Either way could mean a suspension for him and another session in the school counsellor's office for me. I had no choice. I promised to tick him off royally, ground him for a week and cancel his subscription to the Fortean Times. I only hope I don't get aggro from Lizzie and Mrs Bee as well.
