Dr. Laura: I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, my number: 1-800-DR-LAURA. Carol, welcome to the program.
Carol: Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.
Dr. Laura: Thank you.
Carol: I have a seventeen-year-old daughter, who's going to be a senior in high school, and she wants to stay out whenever, to however late she can stay out, whenever she wants to. Nobody else has a curfew.
Dr. Laura: Well, when she has her own home, and she pays her own bills, she can do that. When she's a minor living in your home, not a chance. Carol: She hates living here now. She says, "I hate living here now, why don't you disown me?" Dr. Laura: So? That's her problem. Well, just say, "Honey, I love you, you're my kid, and I don't want to disown you. If you want to get a job, and move out, and pay your own expenses, you can stay out as late as you want, although when you have a job, you're going to be tired in the morning. So you will find you will end up not staying out." I remember I watched it a bit-the Bill Cosby, the original show, The Bill Cosby Show. The son started giving his father crap about how "I'm going to get a job, and I'm going to do whatever I want," so what they did is they took out Monopoly money. Carol: I remember that, with Theo.
Dr. Laura: Remember that? Yeah.
And he took out the amount of money that he'd be making each week, and then he took out first for the IRS, then he took out gas. And by the time it was down, it was a negative number, and Theo didn't complain anymore. Carol: Right, right.
Dr. Laura: So you might want to-don't argue with the kid, you just say, "When you can take care of yourself, you make your own rules. Until then, I am your rules. Now, if you get a job, on the average, what do you think you'll make?" Get out the Monopoly money and play it with her. Say, "Right now, you're living free. Don't you think you owe something back for living free?" Carol: And what is so difficult about that? I don't think I'm that unreasonable. Dr. Laura: I'll tell you why, because when you and I were kids, nobody's parents were anything other than how you want to be. So there was very little reinforcement for the arrogance of adolescence.
Carol: Yes. Well, she has it, and I'm sure I've done it to her. You know, let her get away with things or whatever, but it's been a terrible summer and I can't wait for school to start. And I don't know what to expect. Dr. Laura: Well, yes you do, because you're going to lay it out. Carol: Yeah.
You know, I don't know. I mean- Dr. Laura: When does she turn eighteen? Carol: She turns eighteen next June.
Dr. Laura: Oh, damn, it takes so long.
Carol: You know, she says it, and it makes my husband so mad, and he's her stepfather. He's wonderful to her, and has been for fifteen years-not fifteen, but twelve, I guess-but, you know, he doesn't think that she-it just makes him mad that she walks around and says, "I hate living here, I hate living here," so you're right. I need to deal with that too.
Dr. Laura: Are you paying for a car?
Carol: No. She has a car, we did pay for the- Dr. Laura: Well, that was stupid. Carol: Well, we paid- Dr. Laura: You don't pay for anything. There is no reason a seventeen-year-old has a car. No reason whatsoever. You put her in the number-one category to die. That's the number one way girls her age are dead. Cars.
Carol: Yeah.
Dr. Laura: So stop paying for everything.
Carol: Well, we don't pay for everything- Dr. Laura: Whatever clothes she has, hopefully she won't grow, that's it. Carol: Well, I took away her internet privileges.
Dr. Laura: Fine. Eliminate everything and say, "I'm sorry you hate it here, but you know, I love you, I'm going to take care of you for what's necessary." Carol: Right.
Dr. Laura: And this is not necessary, and just remove everything, but be very sweet about it. Not [yells] I'm taking away the internet! None of that. Just say, "I love you, and I'm taking care of you, all the things are necessary, sweetheart [kiss sound]. Carol: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Laura: Now, get the number of some of the places that you know you can send a teenager to if and when they run away from home, and also call the DA's office and the police department and find out what you do with a runaway. Start getting all your information in order, because she's going to play you. Carol: Well, she wants to go and live with her best friend's parents, and they would take her in. They love her. They think she's great. They don't have to- Dr. Laura: Well, of course they think she's great. She visits. [laughter] Carol: I think they would do it. Dr. Laura: Well, you have to check with an attorney to see what the legalities are. If you're still legally responsible for her and there's nothing you can do, if she wants to become an emancipated minor, do it. It doesn't mean in the future she isn't going to come back, hat in hand, and go, "I'm sorry, I screwed up, sorry Mom." Carol: Will I have to take her back then?
Dr. Laura: [laughter] Not necessarily.
