Should I Continue to Employ my Ex-husband?

Dr. Laura: I’m Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Lisa, welcome to the program.

Lisa: I'’m wondering, I let my ex-husband be a part of my life in terms of I let him be a part of my business because I feel that he is not capable of making a living and staying off the street as a homeless person without me because of - he has very minor schizophrenia. I do this because we have children and I feel like if I were to let him go down hill that would hurt the children because then they don’t have a father and they don’t know where he is and he wouldn’t be taking care of himself.

Dr. Laura: So, you employ him?

Lisa: Yes.

Dr. Laura: So, he does some work for you; does he actually do work for you?

Lisa: Yes, he does. He’ is not very good at it. He’ is not very good for business, but he’ is not horrible to the point where he’ is going to put me out of business. He just makes more work for me. He makes my life more difficult. My friends say get rid of him. He’'s your ex. Why do you have to keep taking care of him? You don’t have to, you are divorced. But, I say well, he’'s my children’s father and I have a responsibility to them; but, if I can help him and keep him off the streets Dr. Laura: So, if you have clarity as to your motive and the consequences are ones that you are willing to bear then, really, nobody else’s business. Lisa: Well, my family, they see the stress that it’s putting on me and Dr. Laura: Oh, well, but as I just said, if you are able to cope with the consequences; if you are not, then that detracts from what you can give your kids. So, at some point, you have to decide the amount of stress and the loss of income that this is causing me is causing me to be A: not as healthy; B: not as happy and positive and C: therefore, not as good a mommy. So, I can’t afford to do that, so I’'m going to have to make a decision here to take care of him or take care of myself because when I take care of both my kids end up losing because of what happens to me. So, Lisa, if you can do this without stress, then I don'’t think anybody should have an opinion. If you can'’t do this without stress, then everybody is trying to warn you about what you are doing. Lisa: Right.

I'’m just trying to decide do I have this responsibility to my children? Dr. Laura: Okay. Can you read back to me what I said to you?

Lisa: That if I can handle the stress, then I should go ahead and keep doing what I am doing. If I cannot handle it, then I should cut him off.

Dr. Laura: That’s correct.

Lisa: Right.

I’m just wondering, morally.

Dr. Laura: Okay, Lisa, morally you are responsible to your children first not him first. I think the concept behind what you are doing is admirable; however, if you can’t really handle it, then you can’'t do it. Lisa: Well, I seem to feel I'’m handling it. Other people seem to feel I'’m taking on too much, so. Dr. Laura: Well, maybe you'’re one of those people who takes on a lot, can’t handle it, tears themselves down physically, psychologically, mentally, and ignores that. Lisa: Right.

Dr. Laura: So, maybe the people giving you feedback are being honest where you’re not.

Lisa: That’'s what I guess I’'m wondering. Are they being honest or would they just like to see Dr. Laura: You know the answer to that, Lisa. I don’t' know you, but you do know the answer to that. You do know whether or not you can really handle this and I'’m hearing the answer is no. That'’s what I’'m hearing from you. Is that incorrect?

Lisa: Sometimes I feel like I can'’t, but then, sometimes Dr. Laura: Okay. Let’s not talk about the sometimes because everything happens sometimes. I'’m talking about overall. Can you handle it or not? Does this take away from your health or psychology or your ability to take care of your kids? You’'re going to have to answer that, Lisa. I don’'t know you. Lisa: Okay. Well, thanks.

Dr. Laura: You don'’t want to answer it? Lisa: No. Overall, definitely; I think I can handle it.

Dr. Laura: Okay. If you can handle it, then it’'s nobody else’s business and that’s what you need to tell them. Dr. Laura: I’'m Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number is 1-800-DRLAURA