Mark: Welcome to EnglishLingQ. It's Mark Kaufmann here again with Jill discussing another Dr. Laura excerpt. Today, we are discussing the return of a gift or the potential return of a gift and when one should or shouldn't return a gift. Well, what are your thoughts, Jill, on the issue of returning gifts?
Jill: Well, I think, as everybody will hear when they listen to the excerpt, I agree with what Dr. Laura says that a gift is a gift and if you give something to somebody as a gift you really can't ask for it back nor can other members of your family ask for it back because, presumably, you would have given it to them if you wanted them to have it. And so, basically, I think be careful what you give away. If you think you might want it back some day you better hold on to it.
Mark: Well, that's the thing. Like, you've given something to somebody. It's now no longer yours. Jill: That's right. Mark: It's theirs. Jill: It's not yours to ask for whenever you want it back. Mark: That's right. You didn't lend it to somebody, you gave it to somebody. So, once you've given it, it's no longer yours. In this situation where, I guess, it's the nieces or the children of the person who gave the item to the caller are saying well, we want the item back; but, really, they have no right. A: it never was theirs to begin with. It was their mother's and their mother gave it to her sister and if her sister wanted them to have it, as you said, she'd give it back. She wouldn't need to be harassed and pressured into giving it back. But, I guess, the situation does arise where a parent might give something to somebody that one of their children might have had their eye on.
Jill: Right.
Mark: So then, when the time comes, they sometimes will want to try and get their hands on that again. Obviously, inheritances come to mind. People who sometimes get an inheritance you know, if a husband remarries and his wife gets and I guess that's not a gift -- but it just brings to mind kids going after things of their parents that ended up in the possession of somebody else, yeah. Anyway, why don't we let everybody listen to the excerpt and then we can continue our discussion afterwards. * * * Dr. Laura: Sandy, welcome to the program. Sandy: Hi. I've never gotten through. I admire you. My sister developed diabetes a few years ago and she actually gave me her saddle because we both have had horses all our lives and now her daughters want the saddle back.
Dr. Laura: Wait a minute; what does the saddle have to do with diabetes?
Sandy: Well, because she got rid of her horses.
Dr. Laura: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear. Your phone clicked out.
Sandy: She had her leg amputated and, therefore, got rid of her horses and no longer needs it.
Dr. Laura: She could have ridden with one leg.
Sandy: So, she gave it to me and now her daughters want it and neither one of them have horses or have any use for it. They both live in the city. Am I obligated to give it to them?
Dr. Laura: Okay. Nobody in the universe is obligated to give back a gift.
Sandy: Okay.
Well, I'm getting a lot of static from them. Dr. Laura: Were you not aware of that?
Sandy: Well, I don't know. There's just been a lot of controversy in the family. Dr. Laura: Over the saddle?
Sandy: Over many things and now this has come about, yeah. I had told her I would never give it away or sell it. I would keep it in the family forever, you know It's like it's the only thing my sister has ever given me in her whole life. Dr. Laura: Do you use it?
Sandy: Pardon?
Dr. Laura: Do you use it?
Sandy: Yes, I do. I have four horses.
Dr. Laura: Okay. Can you stop laughing, please I hate to sound more concerned about somebody's life than they do. Sandy: Okay.
Dr. Laura: Alright. Your niece and nephew, how old are they?
Sandy: Actually, it's two nieces. They are 41 and 43.
Dr. Laura: Oh, well, the next time they call and rudely ask you for their mother's saddle back, say you know what, you can discuss that with your mother. She gave it to me as a gift and I'm treasuring it. That's it. Sandy: Okay.
Dr. Laura: Alright Sandy: The other thing I was going to say is I put money into it. I put like $300. 00 into it to repair it.
Dr. Laura: That's not relevant. That's not relevant. Sandy: Okay.
Dr. Laura: The relevant part is that it's a gift. Sandy: Well, that's what I thought. Dr. Laura: Well, I think you are right.
* * * Mark: Well, as we all just heard, the saddle, in this case, doesn't sound like it's going back to the nieces. But, I guess we're not that concerned about that. We're more concerned with the vocabulary that we might learn from this exchange. Jill: So, I picked out some words and phrases that I thought were useful or important. And right in the beginning diabetes is mentioned, which is an illness, a disease, and I think it's probably in all societies, all cultures, and it's a lack of insulin. I believe your body does not produce enough insulin, so people have to be very careful with their sugar intake and their blood sugar level and, you know, they have to make sure they eat at certain times and that their blood sugar is never too low or too high. It can be dangerous, but it's, I think, quite manageable in most situations. Now a days, there are good medications out for it.
Mark: Now, I'm no medical expert, but I believe there are two types of diabetes, right? Jill: Yes.
Mark: They both involve an insulin deficiency.
Jill: Yeah, I think so. But, one is kind of you're born that way and then one is through bad habits, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, being overweight, things like that that lead to the adult-onset diabetes. Mark: And there are certain people that have to inject insulin themselves. Is that all diabetics that have to do that or?
Jill: I think there's varying degrees. I think there are people who have quite a well, I know a man who has adult-onset diabetes who doesn't have injections. But, I think for anybody who was born with -- like, has had it their whole life -- I think they all have injections Mark: Right. Jill: or almost all of them, I think. So, I'm not positive about that. But, I think there are some mild cases of adult-onset where maybe they don't need it yet, but I think, eventually, they probably will. But, again, I'm not positive. Mark: One interesting thing here is the way that this caller says My sister developed diabetes a few years ago. This may not be obvious to everybody how you explain getting diabetes. You know, you don't catch diabetes, you know, like you Jill: catch a flu. Mark: So, for most people, as you say, some people are born with it, but for most diabetics, they develop diabetes and that's how you describe it. So, yeah, my sister developed diabetes.
Jill: And the gift they are talking about is a saddle, which is, of course, what you put on the back of a horse; the seat; what you sit in.
Mark: When you are riding a horse you sit in a saddle.
Jill: And so, now, Sandy's got her sister's saddle and she doesn't want to give it to her nieces who want it. And her sister didn't need it anymore because she got rid of her horses. So, she no longer has horses. The phrase got rid of is to depart with.
Mark: To part with.
Jill: To part with. Yes, sorry, to part with; to not have anymore.
Mark: Exactly and that's just a good phrase to learn. I should get rid of a lot of junk in my house that I've collected over the last how-ever-many years. Jill: Yeah, we use that a lot.
Mark: For sure.
Jill: And so, Sandy goes on to say that her sister had her leg amputated. Amputated means surgically removed; cut off. So, people, sometimes, if they've got an infection or a muscle has died or any number of things can happen and they need to have their foot or their hand or their arm or their leg or some body part removed so, it's amputated. Mark: It is and that's a word my kids know because every time they hurt themselves that's my cure all is to amputate. Jill: If it hurts that bad you might as well amputate, right?
Mark: Yeah. It looks like it's gonna have to come off. We're gonna amputate. Noooo! It was better when my son had all his plastic swords around the house all the time. There was always a handy cutting utensil. But, it's more difficult now. Jill: He's grown out of the swords, has he? Mark: He's grown out of the swords, yeah. Jill: And the next phrase I thought was useful is have any use for it. So, I don't have any use for it anymore. Her sister doesn't have any use for the saddle anymore because she doesn't have horses. So, she can't use it anymore, basically. Mark: Right.
And, again, that's just that the way those words are put together is just the way we say that and it is a concept that is not obvious how to express. So, yeah, that's a handy phrase. I don't have any use for it. Jill: You could say it about a person. If there is somebody you really dislike, you can say I don't have any use for that person, which means you just don't care to spend any time with them. You don't care to talk about them, hear about them, anything about them, really. Mark: Right.
Jill: And then, Sandy asks Am I obligated to give it to them? So, do I have to give it to them?
Mark: Right.
Jill: If you are obligated to do something it means you must; you have to do something.
Mark: Yup.
Jill: And then, Sandy goes on to say I'm getting a lot of static from them, which is sort of a colloquial thing to say. Or, we would say I'm getting a lot of grief from them. Mark: Right.
Typically, static is, you know, what you hear if you're listening to the radio and your reception is poor you hear that static, I don't know, interference on the radio and so, this is a slangy expression, but is one that you hear quite often. And, as you say, you can also hear I'm getting a lot of grief which, again, is a slangy thing to say because grief is really not grammatically correct, but is an idiom; is something that people say and they both mean the same thing. I don't know how to say? Jill: I'm getting hassled by them or I'm Mark: I'm getting a lot of grief. Maybe there is no proper word for that sentiment.
Jill: Pressure Pressuring. I'm getting a lot of pressure from them. I'm getting a lot of Mark: Basically, they're phoning me up and saying mean things to me. I'm getting a lot of static. They are putting pressure on me. They are saying nasty things about me. I'm getting a lot of static from them. Jill: And the next one is come about; the phrase come about. So, over many things and now this has come about. This has come about. So, this situation has come about. It has Mark: Right. There had been a lot of controversy in the family over the saddle Yes, over many things and now this has come about, right.
Jill: So, now, this situation has arisen.
Mark: Right.
Yeah, that's a good phrase. Something has come about; something has happened. It's just a different way of saying that. Yeah, it's a good way. Jill: And then, finally, I'm treasuring it; the phrase I'm treasuring it. Mark: Right.
She gave it to me as a gift and I'm treasuring it, right. Jill: So, I'm taking good care of it. It means a lot to me and, yeah, I'm treasuring it. Mark: Treating it as if it's a treasure. Jill: Exactly.
Mark: And, in this case, not giving it back.
Jill: That's right. She definitely doesn't want to give it back. Mark: That's right. Jill: And then, Sandy goes on to say I put money into it. So, if you put money into something, it means you spent money on something. So, like she says, I put $300.00 into repairing it. So, she spent $300.00 on it.
Mark: Or, many people put a lot of money into their houses, meaning, I mean, they put a lot of money into buying their houses, too, but when they talk about putting money into their houses, mostly, they talk about repairing, fixing; maintenance. Or, I put a lot of money into my car; maintaining my car. It's time I got rid of it. Yeah, you hear it very often in those situations.
Jill: And, again, the word relevant is used here a couple of times. I think we discussed it in another Dr. Laura content item, which just means Dr. Laura is saying that's not relevant. That's not important. That's really nothing to do with the situation. Mark: And, of course, if it's not relevant then it's irrelevant, which is another way of expressing the same concept, more or less, using the same word. But, irrelevant is also a word and is used often, as well.
Mark: And with that, I think that covers The Gift. I hope that Sandys nieces stop harassing her.
