Five Things To Never Say At Work! (Part 2)

This is the Public Speaker, Quick and Dirty Tips for improving you communications skills, with you host: Lisa B. Marshall.

Have you ever said something at work you later regretted? Have you ever spoken too soon? Have you ever shared something personal that you wished you had just kept private? Well, join the club!

Welcome to The Public Speaker: Quick and Dirty Tips For Improving Your Communication Skills with your host, Lisa B. Marshall.

Today's episode is actually an attempt to keep you out of the “Oh man, I really shouldn't have said that" club, and it continues where we left off in a previous episode, with five more things to never say at work! (Who knew there were so many things not to say at work … besides the obvious “You're an idiot.”) So what do you do?

One adage suggests, “Don't say anything at all unless you have something good to say,” but that might leave some of us speechless (OK, I'm really talking about me. That would leave me speechless.) From a very young age, my father encouraged me to question and share my opinion. So, when I started my career I thought, "Well, honesty is the best policy,” but I quickly learned, the hard way, that honesty isn't always the best policy at work. So I finally found an adage that works: “Think before you speak” -- especially at work! Trust me, following this one can save you a lot of stress and grief.

1\\. “What I really want to be is a full-time belly dancer!”

Let's say you are an accountant and want to become a full-time belly dancer, or maybe you just dread working yet another day for your idiot boss. Of course, you should look for your new job, but don't share this information at the office. Don't tell ANYONE at work that you are thinking of leaving, or worse, don't threaten to leave. Drink the company Kool-Aid. Repeat, continue to drink the company Kool-Aid (even if it tastes like a mixture of grapefruit juice and motor oil). Master your game face and act as if this is the best job ever until the bitter end. Everyone should be "shocked" that you are leaving. Why is this important? Executive career coach Cheryl Palmer shared this story with me. She said, "I had a friend several years ago who naively told another co-worker that she was looking for another position ... She came in to work one day to find that a new employee had been hired. The new woman told her that she had been hired to take my friend's place. My friend confronted her boss about it, and her boss said, ‘Well, you were looking for a new job anyway.' Then the boss let her go!" So, what's the lesson learned? Maybe it's not so smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. Which brings me to my next tip.

2\\. “Today's my last day!” Never say, “My wife caught me cheating!” (Oh wait, no -- that' s the next tip). What I meant to say was, never say, especially when you are frustrated with your boss, “That's it; today is my last day.” Author Susan Heim, who spent many years as a manager in the corporate world, suggests that, “It's never a good idea to burn your bridges. You never know when you'll need a contact or recommendation some day. Always give two weeks' notice.” For me it's less about burning bridges and more about not wasting your energy and your time by uselessly venting your frustrations. As tempting as it may be to share with your boss the many ways that you were undervalued, it won't change how you were treated. If you have already made the decision to leave, then don't bother having a big drawn out discussion. It won't benefit you, and in fact may hurt you in the long run. Just move on, mentally and physically.

Now about that two weeks' notice part. Hmmm….well, times are changing. It is still a nice professional courtesy to offer two weeks of notice; however, today, you can often negotiate fewer days, just enough to provide a reasonably smooth transition. Of course, you should also be ready to be escorted to the door, which, unfortunately, has become corporate policy in some workplaces.

3\\. “My wife caught me cheating and I've been distracted by the situation!” So, keeping with our “honesty may not be the best policy at work” theme, work is not the place to share your personal issues. Stay away from detailed discussions about private matters. Why? Because revealing too much information at work may make a negative impression or give the wrong impression and can seriously damage your career. Besides, other people don't have a vested interest in keeping your information private. (Hey, did you hear about that Lisa Marshall?) Some might innocently or matter-of-factly share the details, while others might try to use them against you.

Someone once explained to me, and this is a true story, that he was late getting back to me because “my wife caught me cheating and I was distracted by the situation.” I was shocked. I couldn't understand why he would share such personal details and risk hurting his reputation! Worse, a day or two later, I heard two people whispering in the hallway, “Did you just hear Jim talking about how he cheated on his wife?”

Of course, gossip isn't a good idea either. In general, I suggest having a personal policy to avoid topics at work that could make someone uncomfortable, such as romantic relationships, appearance, health, race, religion, and personal finance.

What if someone else tries to drag you into a conversation? Simply smile and say, "Hey, let's not go there." And if necessary, just walk away.

Always keep in mind that decisions are made based on impressions formed of you at work; you should always try to keep those impressions positive.

4\\. "I won't do it!” Speaking of positive impressions, never say, “I can't” or “I won't.” This also includes the following variations: "That's not in my job description," "We've never done it that way before," “I don't have time for that,” or my personal favorite “How about never?” Unless the request is unethical or illegal you should welcome the opportunity to learn new skills or to perform a new task. If you are not sure, ask questions to determine if it is a legitimate request. Most organizations emphasize teamwork, flexibility, and initiative. It can only help when you enthusiastically welcome a chance to learn more.

5\\. “I don't need the money” Finally, don't say, “Oh, I don't need the money.” I worked with a guy who regularly talked about his huge house, his horses, and how he really didn't need his job for money. He really annoyed people, like me, who really did need the job for money. Then, once, he actually had the nerve to complain that he hadn't received a raise in quite some time. What did he expect? As much as bosses try to be unbiased, bosses do listen to office chatter and do base decisions on who gets raises and how much based on more than just merit. How do I know? I was the boss that held off on that raise!

The bottom line for today's podcast is this … What you say and how you say it makes a big difference on how people respond to you. Particularly at work, honesty may not be the best policy. My hope is that because you listened to this podcast you'll think before you speak and you won't become a member of the "Oh man, I really shouldn't have said that" club. Your words can advance your career or can come back to haunt you when you least expect. It's your choice. Administrative

This is The Public Speaker: Quick and Dirty Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills . If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to listen to part one, Five Things Never To Say At Work. Passionate about communication; your success is my business!

You can find a transcript of this show and all the Quick and Dirty shows at quickanddirtytips.com. If you have a question, leave me a voice mail at                   206-350-7970           or send e-mail to publicspeaker@quickanddirtytips.com. For information about keynote speeches or workshops visit www.lisabmarhshall.com