Dr. Laura: Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Hi, Edgar, welcome to the program.
Edgar: Hello, Dr. Laura, thank you for taking my call.
Dr. Laura: Thank you.
Edgar: Dr. Laura, I'm a new listener here in New York City. I have been married for fifteen years, and I'm thirty-eight years old. My wife is thirty-seven. I have four daughters. Recently, my wife has just told me that she no longer loves me, and my question for you is: as much as I've tried and tried to convince her to say otherwise, she refused any counseling. I want to know, in terms of my responsibility, how do I- Dr. Laura: What does she plan to do? She plans to take the children and leave? She plans to leave the children and go by herself? What does she plan to do?
Edgar: Well, she wants me to leave.
Dr. Laura: Okay, Edgar?
Edgar: Yes.
Dr. Laura: I know all you want me to do is to tell you how you inform the kids.
Edgar: Right, exactly.
Dr. Laura: That's not where we're going in this call. Edgar: Okay.
Dr. Laura: You tell this woman she takes her toothbrush and she gets the hell out.
Edgar: Okay.
Dr. Laura: And that you will fight her with every legal means in your power to keep the house and the kids. That she is not going to take your life away from you simply because she doesn't love you anymore. That you're not going to give her that power, if you can help it. And she can expect the next fifteen years of brutal battles in the court, and a lot of expense, so her new boyfriend better have the money to pay for all of this. This is what you do way before we even start dealing with your kids, because if you put reality into her little head, she may have second thoughts. You don't destroy a marriage because you don't-you don't destroy a marriage and you don't destroy a family simply because, for the time being, you don't feel love. Edgar: Well, she felt that I mistreated her over the years, and putting her down, and by the things that I said, and things like that.
Dr. Laura: Were you abusive?
Edgar: Maybe verbally abusive at times. Not maybe, I had been, and I have confessed that much to her, but I told her that I'm willing to change. I practically got down on my knees and told her that- Dr. Laura: Good. You still tell her that you will fight her for the next fifteen years by every legal means, and she can take her toothbrush and leave, but the kids stay. And, immediately you start counseling to deal with this mouth of yours, so that the courts have evidence that you mean what you say when you take responsibility for your silly behavior, and you try to make it better, because that'll be a case in point for treating the daughters. If they see that you're controlling how you behave, you have a better chance of taking custody. Edgar: Okay, I appreciate that.
Dr. Laura: And I also want to get a private investigator to find out if she's got a boyfriend. Edgar: Yeah, she won't tell me that, she's denied that many times. Dr. Laura: That's all right, get a private investigator and find out. There aren't too many women who really want to walk away from a marriage when they have four kids. Edgar: Yeah, well, this one does.
Dr. Laura: Well, this one needs to leave with her toothbrush.
Edgar: Okay.
[laughter] I appreciate it, thank you for your help.
Dr. Laura: I mean, it's one thing for her to say-so, this is, I'm hoping we can cut this off at the pass, that you make it clear to her this is not going to be a slide on ice, and you're not going to let her walk away with the house and the kids. Edgar: Okay.
Well, lately I've been walking on eggshells because I've been trying to convince her, but I guess I'm going to have to get a little bit more stern and strict. Dr. Laura: Yes, just sit at the table and say, "This is what's going to happen if you wish to leave. I don't want you to, I've already made an appointment for counseling, and I'm going to start dealing with my behavior. I don't want to lose my children; I don't want to lose my home. If you don't want to live with us anymore, you can go, but don't try to take the kids, because I will fight you. In court. Legally." Make it very clear, so you don't sound like you're threatening her with anything. Edgar: Okay, thank you very much.
Dr. Laura: Only legal, justifiable, things, okay?
Edgar: Okay, very good.
Dr. Laura: All right, and watch your mouth from now on, sir. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I'll be right back.
