Blindside's "Short Texts", Blindside's "Short Texts" I'm Trying Very Hard To Be an Alcoholic

I'm doing my best to become an alcoholic. I try drinking everyday and getting as drunk as possible, but it just doesn't work. I always stop drinking before I get drunk at all! My wife doesn't want me to become an alcoholic because she thinks it's bad! She's crazy!!! Abusing alcohol is the one thing all cultures and all races of humans have in common! I want to be an alcoholic because I love humanity and I'm proud to be a human!!! :)